Bad Memories
by Freak09
Summary: Kaiba writes a letter telling about his childhood to someone very close. He tells about the encounters.


A one shot of what went on in the Kaiba household while Gozaburo ruled. Not descriptive.

_Italics: song_

**_Being Cold Hearted is Only a Shield_**

Why me, the question that haunted me after every encounter. Why? Out of all the horrible kids at that orphanage had Gozaburo chosen me? Then I would remember it was my fault. I challenged Gozaburo to the chess game. I won. It was for Mokuba. My mother had me promise to take care of Mokuba, and I would do that and more.

_Is this a dream, _

_If it is,_

_Please don't wake me from this high,_

_I'd become comfortably numb, _

Some nights I would lie in bed remembering. The memories, the terrible haunting memories would come even if I didn't want them to. I would let the images wash over me, drowning me their horrible truth. I had to suffer so, was it worth it in the end? Were these terrible memories, and late nights working worth it? Was Mokuba happy? Would he have been happier if we had run away, if I had told someone? After remembering my horrible ordeals I would take a shower and scrub myself clean. I had always felt dirty, like I wanted it, like I had liked it. This thought was put into my head during an encounter. Gozaburo was talking as he did "things." He yelled that I was a sick bastard, that I liked it when this happened. I hated it. I hated Gozaburo. I hated the servants that had never intervened. They would hear me screaming. Screaming for help, but they never came. They let it happen. I am still screaming. Still screaming for help, but no one knows they don't come to help. No one cares.

_Until you opened up my eyes,_

_To what it's like,_

_When everything's right,_

_I can't believe,_

One day when I had scrubbed too hard and my cheeks were pink, you noticed. My memories had come in the morning, and I was late to school. You inquired as to my uncommon skin tone. I am so normally pale. When I snapped at you that it was none of your business, you saw, you saw my eyes. One of my only weaknesses, I showed weakness that day. My eyes showed that I wanted to be saved.

_You found me when no one else was looking,_

_How did you know just where I would be,_

_Yeah you broke through all of my confusion,_

_The ups and the downs and you still didn't leave,_

_I guess that you saw what nobody could see,_

_You found me,_

_You found me,_

Later that day, you came to KaibaCorp. You locked the door. You said you wouldn't leave me alone till I told you what was going on. I wouldn't tell you that day. You did leave eventually, saying you would get to the bottom of this. I still haven't told you. Even in this letter I haven't told you what went on during these encounters. You will figure it out though. Before you left, I got the nerve to tell you how I felt.

_So here we are,_

_And that's pretty far, _

_When you think of where we've been,_

_No going back,_

_I'm fading out,_

_All that has faded me within_

_You're by my side,_

_Now everything's fine,_

Last night . . . I pulled away from you. I was afraid. I don't want to be hurt. I am writing this down because I could never tell you what happened in person. There were far too many encounters to even relate to you how many times he . . . did "things." I have never called it . . . rape . . . though I know it was. I can never bring myself to admit that that happened to me. I never will . . . though in a way I just did.

_I can't believe,_

_You found me when no one else was looking,_

_How did you know just where I would be,_

_Yeah you broke through all of my confusion,_

_The ups and the downs and you still didn't leave,_

_I guess that you saw what nobody could see,_

_You found me,_

_You found me,_

You saved me Jou. Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same. You did that for me Jou. I love you.

_I was hiding,_

_Till you came along,_

_And showed me where I belong,_

You wanted me to tell you that day in KaibaCorp. what was wrong. I didn't tell you then, and I haven't told you yet. In this letter though . . . you found out.

_You found me when no one else was looking,_

_How did you know,_

_How did you know,_

Please take my pace. I don't want to be hurt. I was hurt for Mokuba and I don't regret it, but this isn't for Mokuba. No matter how I act or what I say, remember that I love you. It's all a façade.

_You found me when no one else was looking,_

_How did you know just where I would be,_

_Yeah you broke through all of my confusion,_

_The ups and the downs and you still didn't leave,_

_I guess that you saw what nobody could see,_

_You found me,_

_You found me,_

Being cold hearted is only my shield. Don't be fooled.

_You broke through all of my confusion,_

_The ups and the downs and you still didn't leave,_

_I guess that you saw what nobody could see,_

_The good and the bad and the things in between,_

_You found me,_

_You found me._


End file.
